Having a long distance relationship is difficult, no matter what the dynamic. Add in D/s, DDlg, bad cell service, poly and mental illness and it can be a recipe for disaster.
Granted, things are far easier today than they were 20 years ago when we dependence on pagers & landlines. But it’s still not for the faint of heart.
It’s difficult to tell what a person is really thinking or feeling when you can’t see or hear them. Sarcasm doesn’t translate well over text.
And it’s especially hard when you have anxiety and trust issues. Every time there’s a misunderstanding or miscommunication, I start worrying about if He’s REALLY happy with me or just going through the motions.
If He’s REALLY happy or just settling until He finds something better.
I KNOW it’s not true. I KNOW that He loves me. The sheer number of times we’ve gotten back together. If He didn’t love me, if I wasn’t who He wanted, He would keep trying. Right?
I thought getting Daddy to give me rules would help. And knowing the expectations does make things easier. But what good are rules without punishments for breaking them?
I’m ready for this. All of it. I’ve been wanting a D/s dynamic since we met. I’ve been waiting for Him to merge the ‘women are delicate/I can’t do that/that’s wrong’ part with the ‘if everyone involved consents & wants this it’s all good’ parts of His brain.
If life has taught me anything it’s taught me that you can’t live your life to please other people. You have to do what makes YOU happy. Being submissive, being controlled, being punished when I break Daddy’s rules, having someone to protect me (even from myself) is comforting for me. Knowing my place, having a purpose, being an essential part of someone’s life gives me peace of mind, quiets the monsters in my head.
Every time He wraps his hand around my throat & growls “MINE”. I feel a little safer. Every time He pulls me close & kisses my forehead, I feel a little more secure. Every time He touches me & asks “who do you belong to?”, my demons get a little bit weaker.
As usual, this ended up somewhere different from where it started out. But that’s life.