The Difference Between Hurt and Harm

I never thought anybody would read what I write, much less take the time to comment.

In the last few days a few comments have made me take an objective look at one particular thing I wrote. 

In Fallen Angel I talked about pain being cathartic for me. 

Certain types of pain really are. I live in pain every day. I have a number of chronic illnesses that include pain. I’ve had arthritis since I was a teenager.

In addition to the physical pain, I have dealt with and lived with Bipolar disorderCluster B and Anxiety for most of my life. When I was younger, I allowed them to control EVERYTHING I did, and I left a LOT of wreckage behind me.

In learning how to deal with the emotional and physical pain in my life, I have used a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms. You name the vice and I’ve used it. 

In my teens it was cutting & eating disorders. Twenties was alcohol & weed. Thirties brought with them opiates. 

When Daddy came back into my life, He brought some things into focus for me.

I was utterly amazed that He was willing to give me another chance after everything I did to Him. But being with Him meant that I had to confront pieces of me that I didn’t want to think about. Pieces I’d been told I should be ashamed of. 

First, I let my Little out of the box I’d kept her locked in.

But Daddy didn’t just want the happy, cute parts of me. It’s all or nothing with Him. He wanted my darkest desires and my most ridiculous wishes.

In figuring out & separating what I WANT from what I NEED, I’ve discovered that pain is one of those essentials for me. It calms the chaos in my head and feeds my demons in ways that nothing else does. 

Chapter 4: Pain? Really? 

Do you have to like pain to be a submissive? Short answer: no. Though many submissives do practice some form of sadomasochistic activity, like everything else, it is negotiable between you and whomever you decide to serve. How can anyone like to experience pain? Some people are just wired differently; for them, pain is directly erotic. Some people have orgasms from being flogged; others are highly aroused by nipple clamps. Keep in mind that pain is very subjective. What feels like pain to you may feel very different to me. It’s also about context. If you’ve ever experienced a hickey before, or found mysterious bruises the day after some strenuous sex, you already know how something that can feel like pain in one setting, can feel like pleasure when it’s part of something else. That’s why we say something “hurts so good.”

“How to Be a Happy & Healthy Submissive” by Kate Kinsey
My brain does not naturally make enough endorphins to boost my mood. Physical pain helps me to bring that level back up.

Because pain is a NEED for me as well as a want, it’s something Daddy is willing to do for me. But it’s also something (whether punishment or pleasure) that I can use my safeword at any time and He will stop.

2 thoughts on “The Difference Between Hurt and Harm

  1. Admittedly I’m not big into pain, but the idea of it is erotic to me. So I’m a bit of an oxymoron. I remember going to a bdsm event. There was a fellow who was severely spanked for a long time. The Domme actually broke a substantial paddle on him and had to get another to finish. She was wailing on him with all her strength and his back, ass and thighs began to look redder than the reddest Apple. She switched over to a cane type implement and suddenly there were huge welts. Eventually she drew a substantial amount of blood. The fellow was enjoying it very much. There was lots of communication between them but I was amazed at this beating. It was beyond severe. When it was completed—I think because the Domme was exhausted—he thanked her profusely.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not quite that much of a masochist. But I have a few friends who enjoy that level of pain.

      What it does for me is generally based on my headspace.

      Let me just say, Daddy was really surprised the first time He spanked me and not only did I ask for harder and more but my entire body relaxed.

      If He didn’t know I hadn’t taken ANYTHING I’m sure He would’ve thought I was high on something OTHER than endorphins.

      Liked by 1 person

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